Donor conception is a growing area of fertility treatment, giving people more options to build their family, for me this is ultimately a good thing. The HFEA tells us that more people than ever before are using donor eggs, donor sperm or donor embryos in their fertility treatment. Certainly in my clinics I spend a lot of time supporting people through the complex range of decisions to be made, such as having treatment in the UK vs abroad or using an anonymous vs a known donor or using a licensed clinic vs at home insemination. These questions often prompt a wide range of emotions but I have to say that helping people navigate donor conception is such a rewarding part of my job. For many people this feels like a great next step when they do not have the option of using their own gametes, or in the case of same sex couples, this is the only option of creating your family.
If you are considering donor conception on your fertility journey please do use the psychologists and counsellors on hand at your clinic to help you reflect on the process. In many clinics, a session called ‘implications counselling’ is mandatory for anyone using donor conception. In my opinion, one session will give you some information to consider, but you might need more time to help you process your decision and perhaps grieve what you lose using a donor as well as consider what you stand to gain. If you are not with a licensed clinic but want to speak with a therapist with expertise in donor conception that get in touch with me or find a local therapist via BICA.
Some people will always know that donor conception will be their route to parenthood. But I think it is worth noting that many people do not enter fertility treatment with the expectation that they will end up using a donor. For many people, their initial reaction is one of fear, with the belief that they will not be going down that road. However, many people have to reappraise their view point if they get to a point where it seems that using their own gametes may not be possible. This is a process, not a one time decision. The process can involve loss, fear and anxiety as well as hope and excitement. To read more about preparing to use donor gametes, you might value this article: Preparing for Egg Donation IVF? Here’s the All-Points Guide (theribbonbox.com)
There are so many great books, podcasts, websites and social media pages dedicated to donor conception. I would love to know your favourites: let me know. I wanted to share some of my go to resources that I feel share reliable information and support.
Support Resources
In the UK my go to organisation for all things donor conception is the Donor Conception (DC)Network. DC Network is run by people with lived experience of donor conception in all shapes and forms. They provide resources, training, books, conferences and peer support amongst other activity. I love their children’s books that explore donor conception in age appropriate ways for children.
Another space that provides reliable and good quality information from people who have lived it is Paths to Parenthub. They provide brilliant support for our LGBTQ+ communities as well as connection, peer support and access to experts in the donor conception field.
Watch
Did you watch the recent ITV documentary call Born From the Same Stranger? I really recommend it. It does not shy away from the complexities of being donor conceived, they highlight the emotion, the curiosity and the disappointment that can be involved. They also show the love, attachment and connections within donor conceived families. I think you will find it a reassuring watch if you feel unsure about donor conception or unsure about telling your child/ren about donor conception: Born From The Same Stranger – Watch Episode – ITVX.
Donor Conception Research
If you are a research and a book person then check out Professor Susan Golombok’s work. Her books (Modern Families & We Are Family) summarise her decades of research into the impact of donor conception on children and families. They are both informative and reassuring reads if you are concerned about what lies ahead for your donor conceived family.
If you want to dive a little deeper into Professor Golombok’s work, then the latest paper (here) from her research group was released in 2023. This is the world’s only longitudinal study that has explored mother-child relationships from childhood to adulthood. (Spoiler Alert – the kids are ok!)
I am seeing more people donating their embryos for use in someone else’s fertility treatment. This removes the anxiety of fertilisation uncertainty but has significant implications for future genetic connections as your child is likely to have full genetic siblings in another family. As noted above, you may benefit from comprehensive discussions with a psychologist or counsellor at your clinic to help you consider if this is the right option for you. However, early research is indicating good psychosocial outcomes for children conceived through embryo donation: Psychosocial outcomes of children born via embryo donation – PubMed (nih.gov)
Perhaps you are also curious about the experience for donors in the UK. You will find research based information from The University of Manchester here.
Well being support
Wherever you are in your fertility journey, you may find yourself in need of some self care, a well-being boost and stress management strategies. If this is you then download my free Essential Fertility Toolkit . Check your junk as that is where it tends to end up.
So many people tell me that they feel isolated on their fertility and donor conception journey. If you do not feel you have the right people around you then find your tribe online, have a look at my community, IVF Babble & The Ribbon Box.
Let me know your favourite resources as you navigate donor conception. Find me on Instagram & Facebook or email marie@thefertilitypsychologist.co.uk.
