Navigating any fertility journey can be daunting, with emotional, social, physical and financial pressures. However. These pressures can feel more acute as you approach significant dates such as Father’s Day. If this feels like a struggle for you then read on to build your own Essential Fertility Toolkit.
What Feel’s Tricky?
When feeling overwhelmed it is easy to fall into the trap of fearing everything with the assumption being that we will not cope well. However, if we step back we may notice there are some aspects that feel ok or tolerable for us and other’s that are really hard.
Maybe the thought of seeing other people’s children is very triggering whilst seeing your own Dad on Father’s Day feels like a comfort. Take some time to really think about what does and does not work for you. Then, respect your own needs and boundaries and stick to them.
What Matter’s to You?
Ask yourself: What matters to you? What makes your body feel safe and relaxed? What do you need to do to help you live your life meaningfully whilst navigating treatment?
How do you want to feel? Confident, competent, fun?
Find hobbies and activities that help you achieve these feelings and enable you to focus on what your body can do for you right now. Plan what you want to do on Father’s Day to make the day feel fun. Allow yourself to do what works for you as you navigate your fertility journey and prioritise what you need.
Where is Your Support Network?
Take control of building your support network: often we expect people to know what we need, especially those closest to us and we feel disappointed if they do not deliver. However, it is important that we take responsibility for telling people what we want and need, some of us may want space and privacy whist navigating a fertility journey whilst others will need people to check in with them, ask how they are and be more involved in the process. Take some time to think about what your style is, what you need and who you can reach out to, to meet those needs. This could be in the form of your family and friends, support groups for people with a similar lived experience or professional support from a therapist.
Shame on your Fertility Journey
Often, people feel a sense of shame about pursuing fertility treatment and so do not feel they can talk about their experiences, sometimes we tell ourselves that other people will judge us or feel sorry for us. As Father’s day approaches, it is common to experience feelings of not being ‘enough’ as a man, especially if the people around you already have children.
Shame feels more shameful when it is a secret. The antidote is to say it loud. There is real power in being authentic. Allow your support network to respond to how we are really feeling and validate your experiences. Find the people that allow you to be you, all of you.
No, is a Complete Sentence
Remember, you are allowed to say no, you do not need to go your nephew’s 1st birthday party. You are allowed to look after yourself. Think about what you may like to do instead, play a video game, delete social media or walk up a hill: do what you need.
Feel it, to Heal it
Perhaps, you need to allow yourself to feel distressed, waiting for your time to become a parent can feel so hard. Every time you allow yourself to experience your emotion, you teach yourself that you can tolerate it. You can be emotional and still walk your fertility journey and live your life.
Do not expect yourself to be happy and positive all of the time, you are allowed to struggle, you are allowed to be vulnerable and you are allowed to look after yourself.
To learn more about managing stress on your fertility journey then read more here. If you want easy, zero cost tools to help you express and manage your emotion download my Essential Fertility Toolkit.
I love to hear from you so get in touch: marie@thefertilitypsychologist.co.uk
