Hello, I’m Dr. Marie Prince, The Fertility Psychologist. June always marks Men’s Mental Health Week and of course, I want to focus on Fertility. I am delighted to see more men seeking therapy to navigate their often challenging fertility journey. I hope that this trend indicates a shift in how men approach their mental health, particularly in relation their fertility: an issue that has long been considered a female issue.
Breaking the Silence around Men’s Fertility
Discussions about fertility predominantly focus on women, often sidelining the significant emotional impact on men. Men face their own unique set of challenges when it comes to fertility, including societal expectations, feelings of inadequacy, and the pressure to provide solutions. These difficulties are often compounded when a man has to look at using donor sperm or embryos to create his family. Men often fear a stigma around expressing vulnerability, seeking therapy and struggling to conceive, this creates a perfect storm for distress.
For many men, their sex education focused on how not to get a girl pregnant. There would have been little, if any information about how age and lifestyle factors can affect sperm quality and conception. Many men have said to me that they have learned more about female menstruation as they have gone through fertility treatment, than they have ever known about their own sperm and fertility. Have a read of this blog to make sure you know what you need to know about sperm health and you might find this Channel 4 documentary ‘Save Our Sperm‘ of interest too.
Arguably, the picture is even more complex for male couples who are looking to use an egg donor and a surrogate to build their family. Waiting times to find surrogates in the UK are often lengthy and processes complex, with many couples deciding to head abroad for surrogacy. This can lead to significant costs and uncertainty.
So, although the fertility world often focuses on the needs of women, the emotional support needs for men are also significant. I encourage any man going through treatment to use the therapists attached to the clinic, in most places the sessions should be included with your treatment package. Or check out the support links below.
Therapy for Men
Therapy provides a safe space for men to express their fears, anxieties, and frustrations regarding fertility. It helps them to understand and process their emotions, and equips them with coping strategies to manage stress and maintain healthy relationships. By seeking therapy, men can gain a better understanding of their own mental health and the impact of their fertility journey. This year I have seen more men come to therapy than in the last five years combined, which is brilliant, but there is still a way to go to ensure men feel seen, heard and supported as they too, try to conceive.
As well as seeking counselling or therapy to help you manage the impact of trying to conceive, there are some great support organisations too, check these out:
HIM Fertility by Fertility Network UK
Men’s Fertility & Mental Health
Men navigating a fertility journey may experience a range of mental health challenges, including:
Anxiety and Depression: The uncertainty and waiting inherent in fertility treatments can lead to heightened anxiety and depressive symptoms.
Low Self-Esteem: Feelings of inadequacy or failure can arise if there are difficulties in conceiving, impacting self-worth.
Relationship Stress: The emotional toll of fertility issues can strain relationships, making effective communication, having fun and mutual support crucial.
Identity and Masculinity: Societal norms often link masculinity with fertility, causing men to question their identity and worth when faced with fertility problems.
Erectile Dysfunction: this is often a consequence of the pressure of trying to get pregnant, which let’s face it, is just not sexy. If this is problematic for you, speak to the counsellors at your clinics and consider specialist support from a Psychosexual Therapist.
Moving Forward
As we highlight Men’s Mental Health Week, let’s continue to encourage and support men in seeking the help they need. Reaching out for help is a sign of strength, not weakness. If you or someone you know is struggling with fertility-related issues, don’t hesitate to get in touch to discuss: marie@thefertilitypsychologist.co.uk.
If you want a self-help option download my free Essential Fertility Toolkit or read more here.
Look after yourself, Marie
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