Hello, I am Joe, I work alongside Marie, The Fertility Psychologist and just happen to be her husband. The way we work therapeutically, sits well together. Marie’s work often focuses on processing the trauma you can access, feel and verbalise, whilst my work is great for helping you understand and heal the blocks that may be under the surface. When you know something is stuck, holding you back but cant quite understand what it is or why. To do this I use therapy and coaching with a model called Internal Family Systems. I can also use a more spiritual framework for understanding distress and healing, if that feels aligned to you.
Humans are complex creatures, I think that is fairly self evident. We are often riven with internal conflicts, self doubt and a critical inner voice. Much of our mental and emotional operating systems lurk below day to day conscious awareness – bleeding through into our physical nature and experience. An IFS (Internal Family Systems) approach allows us to recognise and understand these personality Parts that are running the show from the shadows. Parts that are pushing you to repeat patterns, emotions and behaviors that you do not want to pursue.
Some key Parts are termed Exiles, these have taken on emotional burdens or stresses at specific times – often during childhood. When the emotional experience occurred, it seemed threatening and overwhelming to the entire system. So these brave Parts absorb the emotionally charged energy and lock it away. Other Parts also believe the emotion is too much and take on Protector roles – protecting the system from these Exiles by concealing or repressing them. In the short term, especially in childhood, this mechanism guards against that immediate threat.
However, the emotional burdens still exist, now buried in the system. A conflict is brewing between Protectors determined to hide the Exiles and the fundamental need for emotion to be witnessed, felt and processed.
As time progresses, these increasingly desperate Exiles attempt to be noticed in more and more extreme ways – appearing as mental, emotional and physical symptoms. The Protectors push back – sometimes triggering physical symptoms of their own.
With Internal Family Systems, the goal is to restore harmony throughout the system, enabling stable self leadership. This is done by getting to know and understand Protectors so they trust enough for us to connect with the Exiles and work with them to release their burdens. As Parts feel understood, they are able to transform, live their best lives and the ripple effect spreads across the whole system.
In terms of fertility specifically, many people will have unconscious beliefs held by Parts that may fear pregnancy or parenthood. These Parts will work their hardest to prevent what they fear because they believe they are keeping the system safe. By connecting compassionately with these Parts, we can allay their fears and enable them to shift into supportive roles. This will help you continue your fertility journey and minimise distress and uncertainty along the way.
If you want to find out more you can book a free discovery call with Joe here and follow him on Facebook and Instagram. Remember you can access The Fertility Psychologist’s free Essential Fertility Toolkit and resources at any time too.
As always, we love to hear from you, so feel free to get in touch.
