How did you feel when you started fertility treatment?
Sometimes people feel hopeful that this is the answer they need. For others it may be a time of frustration and anxiety. Either way, one of the things that many people struggle with is all of the uncertainty. The lack of control. The just not knowing. The process can be ambiguous, inconsistent, and unpredictable. Not knowing what the future holds is a normal part of life, yet it can lead to feelings of worry, fear, and vulnerability.
When we are uncertain and anxious we have a tendency to overestimate threat and underestimate our ability to cope, making the situation appear even more daunting than it is. Leading us down a rabbit hole of fear and sometimes, efforts to control an uncontrollable situation. We might feel we have to avoid everything that reminds us of pregnancy and babies, or on the flip side we might over engage with information: does seemingly endless scrolling on forums sound familiar? We might engage in unhealthy behaviors to soothe ourselves such as emotional eating or too much alcohol. We might feel stuck, like we can’t get out of bed or the opposite: we just can’t allow ourselves to stop.
If you recognise this as part of your fertility experience, it’s essential to equip yourself with skills that help you tolerate this uncertainty, keep you in the here and now and help you break unhelpful patterns whilst developing healthier coping strategies. You might find my eight step summary a helpful place to start:
- Notice: Begin by checking in with yourself, how are you feeling in mind, body & soul?
- Acceptance: Acknowledge the uncertainty. Accepting it doesn’t mean you have to like it, but it allows you to choose your next steps, break unhelpful patterns and move forward.
- Contextualize: Understand the context of your feelings and the reality of your situation, is the anxiety understandable in the circumstances? This helps in reducing the perceived threat.
- Control: Focus on what you can control. This might be your daily routine, your healthy habits, or your response to stress. Try to stop controlling the impossible, their is no magic bullet to make treatment work, no forum or green juice that is going to give you the certainty you crave.
- Connect with Values: Align your actions with your core values: what matters most? This can provide direction and purpose even when outcomes are uncertain.
- Gratitude: Practice gratitude by noticing the positives in your life. This can shift your focus from what’s lacking to what is already good and worthwhile.
- Mindfulness: Engage in mindfulness practices to stay grounded in the present moment, reducing anxiety about the future. There are free mindfulness resources in my Facebook group, check out the meditations and the featured tab for a pre-recorded session.
- Build Your Toolkit: Develop a toolkit of strategies that work for you, whether it’s breathing exercises, mindfulness, or soothing touch to help you tolerate the discomfort of uncertainty. Download my Essential Fertility Toolkit to help you nourish your well-being and build your toolkit.
When the journey feels overwhelming, remember it’s okay to seek help. Professional support can provide additional strategies and relief. Embrace this journey with the knowledge that while uncertainty is part of life, your response to it can be within your control.
